Late night comedy writers had an easy night of it Wednesday, as the conservative freak out over Taylor Swift made for lines told more in disbelief and pity than in snark.
Seth Meyers leads off (above), calling this latest meltdown “easily their most deranged.”
“Allow me to quote a Taylor Swift lyric when I say, “You people are out of your fcking minds,” pointing out that the eff bomb is “Seth’s Version” of the lyric.
SETH MEYERS: They’ve somehow spun themselves into an elaborate conspiracy theory where mysterious forces are manufacturing her fame in order to set up an endorsement of Joe Biden. Because only a grand conspiracy would explain why she might prefer Joe Biden over a man who everyday behaves worse than any man in a Taylor Swift song, which is saying a lot.
Meyers turned specific ire to Brian Kilmeade, who warned Swift to not endorse Biden this year (as she did in 2020).
MEYERS: Now, let’s see. Whose instincts do we think are sharper? The 12-time Grammy-winning artist who has sold over 200 million records, staged the highest-grossing concert series of all time, produced and distributed her own record-breaking concert movie, and was TIME’s Person of the Year or the dingus whose main talent is staring blankly at the camera every morning like a sock with button eyes?
FALLON: Well, people are talking about this: Former President Trump has been telling people that he’s more popular than Taylor Swift and has more committed fans. I’m not sure Trump has more committed fans, but he definitely has more fans who have been committed.
KIMMEL: The truth is, you’re not even the most popular Donald. That’s still a cartoon duck with a speech impediment and no pants on. This fight he’s about to pick with Taylor Swift, this might be what does it. It won’t be January 6th. It won’t be the election fraud or the sexual assault or dancing with Jeffrey Epstein or even fathering Don Jr. What’s finally going to bring down Donald Trump will be an army of pissed-off Swifties.
COLBERT: Taylor is one of the few joyful things we have in this country, and I’m not gonna stand here and let Trump’s TV goons drag her into their hell-slop of grievance and hair gel! This country dumped Donald Trump and we are never, ever getting back together, like, ever! You know what I’m saying? Never! Uh-uh-uh! So, MAGA, keep Taylor’s name out of your dirty little mouths. Okay? You stick to your own global superstars. You’ve got plenty of them, right?
Colbert also took on Trump’s claim that he has more fans than Swift:
If that’s not ridiculous enough, he’s also claiming that he has ‘more committed fans’ than Taylor does. Well, to be fair in the last three years, about 500 of his fans have been committed… to jail.